Top 88 Quotes by Demetri Martin

About Demetri Martin

These are some quotes by American author Demetri Martin Comedian, who was born on May 25, 1973.

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

Demetri Martin

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.

Demetri Martin

People only have so much attention.

People only have so much attention.

Demetri Martin

I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.

I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.

Demetri Martin

Usually, my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it.

Usually, my favorite joke is whichever joke I most recently came up with that surprised me the first time I thought of it.

Demetri Martin

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.

Demetri Martin

I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.

I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.

Demetri Martin

I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.

I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.

Demetri Martin

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'

Demetri Martin

The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.

The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.

Demetri Martin

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